The Struggle Bus has Broken Down
Struggle Bus getting towed.
There’s no denying it - I’m a proud (and frequent) driver of the Struggle Bus. I used to think the goal was to get off the Bus. Like if I could just hop off at the next stop, all would be good.
After beginning my meditation practice, I’ve learned that getting off isn’t the goal, but rather accepting to embrace the Struggle Bus life. This has worked better for my mental health, because it’s made me more accepting of my circumstances than to always be wishing things were different. And yet, sometimes even as I learn to accept my circumstances, there are still days or weeks where even the Struggle Bus has broken down. Ever been there? This was one of those weeks.
Monday – I meet with a group of friends for dinner. Always something I look forward to. Tonight; however, two friends share their engagement stories, and another friend shares her story of meeting her new boo. There’s a couple who’ve been married for 15 years, and another friend who states she’s not official, but in a ‘situationship’. Then there’s me. Fabulously single me. Who doesn’t have a new boo or a situationship or even a ‘possibility.’
My good friend HB (one of the friends who just got engaged) called me later that night to check in on me. She empathetically said she’d experienced the same feeling of being the only one not in a relationship. Like I said, HB is a good friend.
Tuesday – My sister who is also my fabulous roommate, came down with an illness on Monday. Though I took precautions, wearing a mask, I also started having digestive problems, but did not have a fever.
Wednesday – I chose to go to work with my digestive problems. I took crackers and Ginger Ale for lunch. Then my department got a talking to from the assistant director who stated we’ve had 3 months to improve and we haven’t made any progress.
Thursday – I confronted my dad about his unacceptable behavior and did not receive the reaction I was hoping for, “I’m sorry for what I did. What can I do to make this right?” No, he said, “So you’re not even going to give me a chance?” No, you’ve had 44 years of chances. The directives I gave him were 1. Take time to process and 2. See. A. Therapist. I’ve only been telling him to see a therapist for the past 10 years.
Friday – I work in maintenance for the parks and rec department. Thursday night some idiot in a vehicle decided it would be amusing to do donuts in a park field leaving tire rut marks everywhere. My crew had to get several truck loads of sand and spread it over the rut marks. Thank you for strengthening my already stellar character. More drama happened at work. I later found out through an inside source that one maintenance employee had been caught sleeping in his truck. Sigh. It’s only taken me 10 years to find a job that I can do while managing my treatment resistant depression and that also provides benefits. Now these ignoramuses are on track to sabotage it up for me. SMH
